Listen
To Them
The notion
of "listening" to someone's words on the screen is ridiculous - until you
consider that they are "speaking" to you in this manner. Do they sound
too good to be true? We'd all really like to believe the person we are
coming to enjoy knowing and speaking with is exactly as they say they are.
We want nothing more than to take them at face value. Read what they are
writing - pin them down on "iffy" details - if they refuse to be pinned,
or remain evasive, consider that a red flag and proceed with caution!
Does it Make
Sense?
What if you
are left with questions that you feel really don't make sense, but the
person you are speaking with has a quick explanation. Ask yourself, more
than once - is it really believable? For example - "I'd love to meet you
soon.. but I have some details or personal matters to take care of first".
While you may not want to pry or probe for information, ask yourself, "what
kind of personal details or matters are so important that preclude this
person from being able to meet me?". Do you have to ask online permission
first to call someone? If so, that's a good indication that the person
isn't "free" to meet you at all. Who else lives there? Is the person you
are dealing with is still married? Many people looking for love on-line
may still be married, and dealing with the aftermath of terminating their
marriages - it's important to establish this in advance of involving yourself
with someone else. Most people understand marriages can take time to end
- that doesn't make the person any less available, as long as you can clarify
details. This can be accomplished by calling unexpectedly at their home
(once a rapport has been established). Do they have an answering machine?
Who's voice is on it? Are they secretive? Do they speak in hushed tones
or are they upset that you called without notice? These are pretty good
indicators of trouble. If you receive this response to your surprise phone
call, call again in a couple of weeks! If you get the same kind of reaction
- you can draw your own conclusions. After all.. this is someone who is
supposedly very interested in you. It is suggested you make these calls
at different times of the day. Don't overdue it, there is a difference
between checking for honesty and harrassment.
Current Photos!
Dishonesty
about weight and age are the most common issues. Often, people will try
to put off that inevitable first meeting for as long as possible when they
are being dishonest about weight. The logical thinking is that for as long
as they can delay a meeting they will make every effort to lose this weight.
Of course, weight loss takes a long time, and people who haven't started
a diet aren't likely going to be able to manage substantial weight loss
to their own satisfaction in this time frame. But how do you know what
they really look like? Old pictures often tell a thinner or younger story
- and you can be stunned or shocked to meet the person, and find the "current"
person is someone you don't even recognize. There are no shortage of excuses
for why people don't produce current pictures.. "I don't have a scanner
or a camera", "I haven't gotten the pictures scanned yet", "I don't have
time" .. Any photocopy service in this day and age does photo scanning.
They charge an average of $10 and it takes less than an hour. With the
emergence on the marketplace of low-cost personal scanners, we all probably
know someone who has a scanner. There's no shortage of places you can get
a picture taken in this day and age. If a person isn't being dishonest
about themselves, chances are they have a current picture or a means to
get one. How do we know if it's a current picture? Frankly the only way
is to hold up a current newspaper in the picture or to take it near a landmark
where the surrounding environment can be chacked and matched against the
image.....
The Scammers!
How do you
know if someone is out to con you? Confidence people try to put you at
ease immediately. They agree with everything you say, they pour out undying
and heartfelt emotions almost immediately. How can they really "love" you
almost immediately without ever having met you? Anyone Who tells you they
love you within the first week or so of knowing you online is, at best,
hard to beleive. When and if you hear those three little words that mean
so much, step back and tell them you are doing just that. If it's real
or true love, it will last forever and stand the test of time, and they
will respect that you question their feelings. If it's still love after
a few weeks or a month - meet and meet soon!! You will know when you meet
in person if what you felt online still holds true. To avoid being conned
do not volunteer information about your personal assets or wealth.
Why Meet
Soon?
The Internet
affords several unique opportunities to meet a great number of people from
one site. Personals sites list several thousand people each - chat rooms
give them the chance to interact - e-mail affords them the privacy to correspond
with several people at once. If you have the means to meet people who live
far away - wonderful! When you meet that "special someone" and you feel
very strongly for them, and you believe that they are honest and genuine
- meet them soon! Find out before you make emotional investments if they
are the same in person that they were online. Spare yourself the agony
of allowing yourself to feel for them online, to live for their letters,
only to find out that you were not the only one, or that your online feelings
did not translate "in real life" when you met them face to face. Be true
to yourself, if you do not have the means to sustain a long distance relationship
- don't pursue one. You may have to wait longer to meet someone from a
closer area, but too many have already invested heavily in trips they could
ill afford only to find disappointment and deception at their destination.
In Summary
You can be
sorry for something you didn't do for a very long time - using common sense
is something you'll never regret.
